Rainbows in Mexico

Hola todos,

Well, after so many years of dreaming about Latin America I am finally writing this post all the way from there.

If you are a little follower of my fast changing life you might have heard about my little broken heart. Well, it happened to be that there were still something to learn for me from a beautiful relationship I had with Rafa. We arrived to Mexico to depart different ways. And that hurted. But, something was still holding us to travel together. So we did and it felt like a honeymoon of our break-up. I know, a bittersweet story.

When we departed that pain of separation hit my face again. But I have experienced it before so I was ready. I walked around and griefed, I washed myself in the river and cried (still do) daily. The memories, the hopes ohh that bittersweet hope were the most painful. Like a little girl feeling sorry for myself I also remembered the joys of being alone. I have walked through life experiences before to understand the depth of death. I have clinged dearly on before to teach myself the practise of letting go. And there is still shit loads of that baggage for me to cry through. To feel through. If there is something that I learnt from Rafa is to feel more, to accept myself with my closed heart, with my protection layers peeling in the most painful ways, to live life presently and feel all the emotions that pass through me.

Well, with all this said I have been experiencing something that I have always dreamt about- the Rainbow gathering. In my words and understanding, the gathering, the celebration of free and peaceful beings living in nature for the cycle of the moon. And that was beautiful and ugly, inspiring and irritating, free and delussional, opinionated and open-minded. The real reflexion of this world.

I have met beautiful people, I have laughed at the ones that want to prove their points so badly, I got mad at ego trips and felt in love with the nature around me. Everything around me was a reminder or a mirror of myself, all the beautiful parts of myself and all the hidden ones. I sang to the moon to feel one with everybody and I was shitting in front of others to realise my old conditionings. I saw my need to fit in, to be in the centre of attention, I saw my fear of not being good enough, interesting enough. I also felt my open heart from time to time. I helped in the kitchen and listened to so many beautiful people making incredible music. I also endured the pains and the bites of various insects and adored the plants around me, so exotic, so lush of life.

I felt good and bad and just when I started to feel more connected I also started to feel like moving on. Towards the mountains, towards the ocean. On my own. It is still an art I am re-learning. But it feels good most of the times. 

Mexico feels crazy and dangerous, vivid and full of friendly people. It has this spice of Latin America, this spice that I wanted to smell for so many years. And let's see what else I get to discover.

Thank you for reading and being intetested in me, I miss badly my close friends.

Enjoy the festivities and see you in 2022.

Con mucho amor,

Ligita

Portuguese Worries

Bom dia,

It happened to be that I spent nearly a month in Portugal. How does the time fly so fast? I swear I still remember the smell of pine forests in Lithuania..

Well, this time it was a difficult chapter of my life. Beautiful as well. This humble and sweet country always makes me feel at home. I really love spending time in Portugal.

This time it was a stop before the big decision 'where to spend the winter?'. Sometimes it felt like a drag, so where to go, what to do, should I vaccinate, should we buy a van.. man, it felt like a white privileged man problems. Cause they were!

Seeing friends brought memories of stability, of comfort. Being on the road is not always fun, I tend to get these crisis moments of doubts, often when I lose my ground..

And then a big sad heart pain related to love matters. Separation kills me. Kills my ego, kills my attachments, and a bit of my heart. It happened to be that life has prepared me another plan. After being together with somebody you love, it's so hard to let them go. All the future imaginations crumble, all the past memories bite you like mosquitos in the night buzzing around till you lose your temper. Your heart hurts, your head is overfilled, your eyes are tired from salty tears, the emotions bombard you just to show you can really feel them all. Oh dear, like my good friend says, who said that relationships supposed to be easy.. Can't I ask for it?

But life goes on. You fall and you stand up again until the next fall. And then you stand up again, and you fall..And it goes like merry go round. The drama in front of your eyes. What a wonderful drama. But that little self pity girl inside just cries, gets so involved with all this that she forgets to be an audience, she becomes an actress. 

Well, life is a bit sad at the moment. And that's ok. I am sick of just happy posts. BUT!

There is something extremely crazy happening as well. 

I am finally going to Latin America!!!!! Well, let's start with Mexico first. With broken heart but man, with so much excitement. Can you be sad and happy in the same time???? Because i might be an example.

So friends and friends of the friends, the ones that are far out there, let's connect and meet up if you are in that wild part of the world.

With happiness and sadness and as always love,

Ligita