In Love with Life: Intensity Kicks In

Ola!

Well, it’s been a while since I sat down and contemplated things on the computer screen. During these past months I am not using the internet that much hence why I appear here rarely.

My New Year have started with a boom. Or an explosion of feelings.

On the last day of 2020 I have found myself in a party, full of travellers and high spirits. It was an incredible feeling to be celebrating after a such long hibernation mood. It was so inspiring to see people still living their truths no matter what is happening around. I felt so high on life, so happy. I love spontaneous celebrations and this feeling of meeting new people, of hearing new stories is one of the reason why after 11 years of travelling I am still on the road.

And for the next 2 weeks I found myself ‘locked in’ at the amazing hostel, a converted old villa right at the beach with a beautiful sea view. The weather spoiled us all. January has always been a problematic one for me, but this time I was one of the happiest.

I finally started to practise long wanted open relationship with few partners and explored my insecurities, jealousies and wilderness.

With new friends, lots of fun and Julien’s accident in the sea I made a new plan and left Greece.

It felt emotional, in the end I stayed around 7 months in that land of Gods, I connected a lot with this beautiful chaotic land.

For the past 3-4 weeks I have been in Portugal. And if I thought that my first 2 weeks in January have been intense, well, I had to change my opinion again. I started to dig deeper into Tantra and explore what does it mean the love with no attachment (a difficult one!). Thing after a thing and I found myself drinking the plant medicine in one of the ceremonies around here. And that was intense, beautiful, deep and actually quite blissful. Many insights that were inside me anyway, were assured to me. I felt an incredible connection and gratitude, towards everyone and everything.

And then some bad news, a death of my father. That one kicked my ass. It shook everything what was inside me and made me lose some of my painted identities. I revisited my childhood lots of times. I prayed for my dad’s soul, to be liberated and free. I prayed for the ones, that are still here in their bodies, for their suffering and loneliness. I cried for myself too, I let that little girl inside me to be held and rocked all night long. I expressed myself in writing and had long deep conversations with Julien.

And then, after 3 weeks of clouds and rain, the sun have arrived. The beautiful blue sky and ocean, caressing my soul washed a lot of things away. I felt so good. But the intensity is still here. And in these past 2 months I have grown a lot.

And please, don’t take this post as a sorry call. It’s just much more personal update than normally. I am very fine. And I understand that everything in life is ups and downs, rest and celebration, happiness and sadness, light and darkness. And for the end, I would like to share something I read today by Mooji:

‘’Life doesn’t owe you anything. If you take this attitude then you are grateful for everything. What have you done to deserve 30 years of fresh oxygen? What has anyone done to have a heart that is beating even while one is asleep? What have you done to deserve anything at all and who are you even? If you contemplate these things deeply you would not be arrogant and you would not suffer. You would value life in all its expressions.’’

With much love,

Stay strong my friends <3